By Mike Domitrz, CSP, CPAE |
Once I was focused on serving THROUGH my Zone of Genius, nothing could stop me . . . until I had a moment to pause when there was a small break in my busy speaking schedule. And without realizing it, suddenly I was falling back into the mindset of, “I need to get to this number of events” (not just a survival number). The pressure was back on to achieve verses being in the Flow of the Soul – living in one’s Zone of Genius.
In the summer of 2022, I was starting to crack. I was beginning to feel a level of anxiety I had never experienced in my life. How could this be? I was being inducted into NSA’s Hall of Fame. What more could I ask for professionally?
I never even knew I had anxiety before this. Friends did. They had known it for decades. When I started talking about it for the first time in 2022, a few said, “You’ve always been someone who gave off that vibe, Mike.” What? I’ve just been super excited. At least that was what I always told myself. What are they all talking about?
What I couldn’t see about myself is my energy wasn’t always grounded. At times, the energy was running me instead of me running it. How does that happen? By living a life based on “achieving more” and not listening enough to my soul.
The next 18 months of therapy and alternative modalities (ranging from energy sessions to a one-day deep dive into releasing trauma, to weekly therapy with a therapist who gets me), caused several breakthroughs which freed me to live a soul-based life and business CONSISTENTLY. Here are two of those many breakthroughs:
“Achievement Does Not Define You.” I don’t need to do another speech to be of value as a human being. If you are like me, you might have taught yourself that you will be valued based on what you do. For some people, it is based on how much they make. For some, it is both. You are good enough just as you are regardless of achievements, life’s situations, health, or wealth. Shout out to Jess Pettitt, CSP, for teaching everyone,“Good is good enough.”
What is the alternative? Asking ourselves:
- What if I served out of the JOY of serving in a way that filled my soul? What would that look like for ME?
- This is so personal. Your answer might be completely different than the person next to you. You might find serving at local nonprofit events to be soul-filling or you might find that doing a one-minute video on YouTube helping others is.. Maybe both are for you. I would see friends do wonderful charity work and think, “I’m not doing enough,” while I was going nonstop sharing my mission. Why was my way of filling my soul any less important than theirs? It wasn’t. Neither is yours.
- What If I spoke only in ways that filled my soul?
- Which events would you turn down?
- Which events would seek you out?
- What if I treated my body to fill my soul?
- What would be included in each of my days?
- For example, I now swim at least three days a week. Sometimes after I’m done speaking out of state, I’ll stop at a YMCA near the airport and get a swim in. Why? Swimming feels my soul AND my body.
- What would be included in each of my days?
What happens. Life gets MORE FUN!!
In the past two years, my wife Karen has traveled with me more than ever. I am constantly seeking soul-filling opportunities for BOTH of us. Examples have included being brought to Australia to speak with the Marines and taking two extra weeks to explore, including going into remote areas of the outback jumping into waterfalls and diving the Great Barrier Reef. Being in WATER fills my soul.
What is an example that might not sound as exciting? Karen flying with me to Roswell, New Mexico, where I had two days of speaking engagements. Why was this trip so thrilling? We explored art galleries, hiked to waterfalls (yep, I jumped in – that’s what I do), and went to Carlsbad Caverns. The time together in nature was amazing.
How have I built this into ALL aspects of my work? I have learned hosting a multi-day speakers’ retreat that goes all day in workshop mode (teaching and learning) fails to fill the soul. Absolutely fills the mind – maybe too much. So, what did we do? We now design speaker retreats where half the day is learning and half the day is based on adventure in nature. Fill the mind AND the soul. I LOVE this approach.
Even when speakers hire me for a day of speaker coaching at my home, we take time to leave the house, whether going for a walk around the lake and/or going somewhere fun for lunch. And we always try to watch the sunset come down over the lake (soul-filling for sure).
Every now and then, speakers will say to me, “Well your business is different because you are mission-based.” WHAT? You are not on a mission? To me, that sounds boring. You are just going to a “job as a speaker.” If that is the case, I invite you to find your mission within your speaking. When you do, the soul-filling is exhilarating.
When coaching speakers, I frequently help them recognize what their mission truly is (verses what their website says) and they tell me that one discovery changed their entire business and joy of doing the work. We focus on how to bring their soul onto stage. Way too many speakers are overcoached and thinking way too much on stage. They don’t know how to truly be themselves. When your soul is out of alignment with what you do on stage, a level of joy is stolen from you and the audience.
You and your audience deserve a soul-based speaking business. What has been the key for me to living this soul-based business and life?
Ask yourself the question: “Does this or is this likely to fill my SOUL?” If the answer is, “Hell Yes!!” go for it. At least try it. If not, “Hell Yes!!!,” then RUN away from doing that if you absolutely do not have to do the task and/or project. Notice I’m being realistic. There are projects you will need to do that don’t fill the soul. When that happens, be creative and connect the project to the outcome of how that will fill your soul. If you have the means to hire someone else to do it, free your soul of the drag (if it even needs to be done at all).
That is the only guideline you need – as long as you honestly answer. “Does this or is this likely to fill my SOUL?”
Be compassionate toward yourself. You will find yourself falling back into non –soul-filling activities at times – maybe for weeks or more at a time. Yep, we are human, not robots. It is what it is. Simply pause and remind yourself, “Listening to and following the flow of my soul is what I CHOOSE. Soul, what do you want me to do next?”
Last, just enjoy the journey.
Mike Domitrz, CSP, CPAE, Host of the Soulful Speakers Retreats at www.PeakImpactEvents.com and Founder of www.CenterForRespect.com
Mike, this is very insightful. Similar to Jess saying “good is good enough,” I also believe in the “done is better than perfect” model for some of my sessions as well. How many times have we spent up to 11pm the night before changing slides, looking up one more article, searching for one more data point to improve our speech or workshop?
The challenge for many speakers is not “how much can I make this year above and beyond what I need?” Instead, it may be “How much do I need to make this year to survive, provide for my family, and have a tad bit extra for a trip or two?”
When we hit that number, the Soul Filling begins. But I agree with your point, which is if we solely focused on “soul filling,” perhaps we might make more than we expected!
Thanks for sharing.
Thanks for sharing, Pete. Great insights about the standard could be different and yet the focus can lead to the same path.